My Blog

> july 26 is coming -  28 days from now and my lil boy is turning two….

> bilis talaga ng panahon….iniwan ko syang mama and papa lang ang alam nyang sabihin. ngaun ay naku ang kulit…..hahahhaha…sobrang dami ng tanong

> i was talking with my kids last night over the net…ng intermission mga anak ko…nauna syempre si aj ( who is now saling pusa sa day care ng brgy namin).  kinanta nya mga nursery rhymes na alam nya…dami na nyang alam na kanta, pati yung prayer nila before and after class yata nila…at pati yung may bukas pa ni santino sa channel 2….hahhahaha…dti hawak kamay ang fave song nya ngaun yung may bukas pa na….pero napansin ko, walang letter “S” ang anak ko..tawa ako ng tawa kasi sabi nya - A B TI D E F G….HAHHAHA at yung isang kanta na watermelon o fruitsalad siguro ang title(diko sure) may line na saging saging saging fruitsalad fruit salad….sabi ni aj - “taging taging taging fruit talad fruit talad” hahahhaha…kebs, importante alam nya….at pinakita rin syempre yung papel nya na may mga straight lines at kng ano ano pa with matching star na grade nya from her teacher

> and now, it’s my young man’s turn. sabi pa nya, ma ako naman! hahahahha…kinuha yung mic, tapos kinanta yung abc tapos ngbilang ng 1-10. syempre proud mama, naiyaka akech…hehhehe…akalain mo, yung iniwan kong sanggol ng intermission na?

> and everytime na ngcchat kami ni mama at kasama nya si jm, proud din ang lola na ipakita yung talent ng apo….madami na syang alam na body parts nya…at english ng kng ano anong animals

> yung mga rhymes na alam ni jm, naririnig dw nya sa ate aj nya at gngya gaya lng….tapos nakakabisado na nya….syempre sa tulong din ng mga byenan ko at si mama at yung mga ng aalaga sa kanila

> minsan daw sinusumpong din, pag ayaw nyang kumanta o sagutin mga questions about body parts and animal names, ssbhin nya, ‘ay diko alam”  hahhahha…

> si jm ko, sweet din magsalita..” mama”….ang lumanay ng boses nya…ang sarap sa pandinig

> pg kachat mo at nawala webcam mo, asan na mama ko, ssbhin nyang ganun

> pero wag ka, may pabigla bigla din daw sya…pag ginalit mo, mghihigh blood. tahimik pero pag napuno, sasabog din,….hahhha…like father like son. one time, ngcchat kami ng papa nya, naglalaro sya sa may telepono, tapos inagaw ni aj. noong una hndi nya pinapansin, tapos si aj, sige pa rin, ng init ang ulo ni jm, sabi nya sa ate nya ” teka nga! sabay suntok sa ate nya ng ilang beses. hanggang sa iyak ng iyak na yung ate nya.

> hay naku mga anak ko, hndi rin maiwasan parang mga aso’t pusa sila

> july 26…lapit na, kaso diko natupad yung promise ko kay jm during his 1st bday…sabi ko nun, wl man ako nung 1st bday nya, mkakasama nya ako sa lahat ng july 26 ng buhay nya…pero hay naku, hndi ako aabot sa july 26….pero hndi na bale, alam kong maiintindihan naman nya yun balang araw…

> basta ngaun, sobrang excited ako na makita ko sila at marinig ko na yung mga kanta nila…..

> see you so soon mga anak ko… i love you both and mama is so proud of you both….

>> ashlee justine and josh michael…..

>> i miss you so much my little ones…

>> it’s been 4 mos and 18 days to be exact since i left both of you….it was the most painful day of my life…..kissing you goodbye is the most heart-breaking part…but i had to and soon you will understand why i did it…

>> as i hear your tiny voices over the net, can’t help myself not to cry….aj always asks me, “ma, bakit ka umiiyak? may sipon ka ba?” hahahaha - “miss you aj” yan lagi sinasabi ko,love you baby ko…and she’ll reply, love you mama….miss you mama…

>> when peolpe ask aj where her mom is, accdg to nanang, she’ll say, mama is in australia, bumili lang ng chocolate and she’ll be home soon….

>> there was a time when she didn’t want to talk to me…siguro nagtatampo kasi nga bakit antagal ko na raw hindi umuuwi, sabi ko raw sandali lng ako..sabi pa nya pag sinsabi ng papa nya na kausapin ako, “may ginagawa ako pa” kesyo, she’s watching cartoons or reading her books….and that made it harder on my part…

>>just recently, when i was talking to daisy over the phone, aj heard me say na pauwi na ko (galing sa mall dito sa australia papuntang bahay)- akala ng bata, im on my way home to the philippines…that afternoon, she asked mamang dyna to bring some chairs in the garage and they’ll wait for me to arrive…she was waiting for the airplane but ther was none….the following day, when mamang dyna rang up,aj was the one who answered the phone, mama joanne? sabi daw nya, pero it was mamang dyna…to aj’s dismay, iniwan nya ang telepono….namimiss na ko ng anak ko….

>> my lil man - “JM” - he was so small when i left him….he can’t even walk and talk…when he turned 1, mama wasn’t there to celebrate with him, and mama was so sorry about it….

>> and now, when jm sees me in the net, he says “mama” and that’s the most beautiful word that i want to hear from my son…thanks to technology, nakikita pa rin ako nga mga anak ko kahit napakalayo ko sa knila…and to my delight, alam ni jm na ako ang nanay nya kahit wala ako lagi sa tabi ny(lol)

>> they are both growing well….kasi mahal sila ng mga tao sa paligid nila,tnx to mamang dyna and tito chie and tatang lito ang nanang teny and most esp, sa papa ”JAYSON” nila - kaya kampante ako na iwanan din sila, kasi nga alm kong naalagan sila ng mabuti(higit pa sa kaya kong ibigay sa kanila)…

>> what i miss the most is ung bonding time naming mg-anak pag sunday…we go to mass, we eat out..at halos mghapon kami sa playhouse ng JTC mall…in short, we always make it a point to spend quality time with the kids…super late kaming umuwi ng asawa ko galing sa trabaho, pero sinisiguro naman namin na may panahon kami sa mga anak namin…it’s not enough that you are with them physically, “quality time” ang kailangan….dyan nararamdaman ng mga bata ang pagiging magulang mo sa kanila,ung mga simpleng bagay - tulad ng pgkwento sa knila,pagtanong how was their day, pagturo ng nursery rhymes sa knila, pagturo ng alphabet at counting - simple things, yet iilan ang may panahong gumawa - dahilan nila - pagod sa trabaho - you as parents have to know - hindi kasalanan ng bata yan, it’s not a good reason to escape from being parents to your little ones - anyways, it is really your obligation - to be parents to them…i may not be perfect mom to my kids, i have my weaknesses i admit, but i am trying to be a good mom to them….

>> the first time na lumabas sila na wala na ko, sabi ng asawa ko, nakakpanibago by na wala ka…nakaklungkot…i shed a tear - sabi ko, soon mabubuo ulit tau..

>> i can say that jayson and i are so blessed for having our AJ and JM - two smart lil kids….at just one wish for both of them - sana mapalaki namin sila ng tama —

>> thank you lord for bringing AJ and JM into our lives - our “precious gems”

>> singleton, new south wales, australia…

>> never thought that i will end up in this country and in this suburb as well…

>> province….trees and mountains - birds and kangaroos..ha ha ha …

>> and worse - madalang ang transpo for commuters - patay tau dyan…

>> dika basta basta makakapunta sa mga shopping centres pag may kailangan kang bilhin…

>> dipa ko ngddrive nun kasi, right hand driving and they are very strict sa mga rules nila sa kalsada…

>> discipline mate! that is  what everyone should possess in order to drive in australia. ang mga pinoy pa naman, kilala sa pagiging wreckless - bato-bato pik! ahahahha( and i know , i am one of them)

>> it doesn’t mean pala that if you know how to manipulate the steering wheel e marunong ka ng mgdrive… you have to know how to “give way” and follow the road rules strictly…

>> dito, di dapat nakainom ang driver pag nagmaneho - kaya kung sunog-baga ka at ikaw ang driver, wag ka na lng aattend ng party - lugi ka(hahhaha)…sa pinas, basta kaya mo pang i drive ang sasakyan kahit sobrang lasing ka na pwede pa rin…at walang give way give way sa atin - dapat mabilis ka lng mag flasher pwede ka ng mauna sa pagliko…hahhaha…only in the phils, sabi nga nila di ba? but not in australia…

>> when i tried driving here the very first time tawang tawa ako…ultimong pagpreno e nakakloka - nauuntog si ate frances sa lakas ng pag hit ko ng break…syempre, sa manual ako marunong e automatic ang pinadrive sa kin…at ang pagkambyo, syempre namamali sa kanang kamay…sabi ko nga mas mabuti na nga na diko alam mgdrive para talagang mukhang ng aaral sa pgddrive…

>> sabi ng driving instructor ko- bagsak daw ako sa unang try kong mgdrive - kasi asal driver sa pinas pa rin - napapsigaw na nga e,kasi pag sinabing stop dipa ko ngsstop, at kulang ako sa required distance sa mga kasunod na sskyan at sa mga stop lines…and worse saka pa daw ako bumibilis sa speed sa mga curve lines hahahahaha…nahihigh blood na talaga…

>> walang binatbat ang 14 years ko ng pgddrive sa pilipinas…..wrong lane pa ko…hahahha…

>> pero the first time na ako na lng ang solong ngdrive(kasi dinare nila akong bumili sa town ng talong, carrots etc - hala syempre, proud ang lola - i called up my husband para sabihing ngdrive ako mag-isa(ewan ko kung natuwa)hehehhe,….sana proud sa kin

>> sabi nga ng isang officemate ko when he saw me driving - ” sense of freedom, isn’t it?” -

>> sabi ko, it’s not the freedom - it’s the discipline that i am starting to have that is making me happy and proud about driving in australia…

>> sarap din palang mag drive ng may kasamang disiplina sa katawan…

>> mas confident kang magdrive pala kung may disiplinang kasama…

>> sabi nga ng isang pinoy dito - mamahalin mo ang lisensya mo dito..

>> sabi ko naman - mas masarap palang mgdrive sa australia kesa pinas kasi dito mas safe ka sa kalsada at mas mahal ng mga tao ang buhay nila - hahahaha :)

>> it’s been a year….

>> i missed you…

>> i loved you and you know that…and i am still loving you…

>> i know you loved me too…i grew up na nandyan ka lagi sa paligid ko - nakamasid at nagbabantay…

>> you were my second father although we both know that you were not capable of such role…

>> since i was a kid, lam mo that i was so proud na i have someone like you…kilala ka ng mga kaibigan ko kasi you were always a part of my stories…hindi para pagtawanan ka,but to let them know and realize na special ang mga kagaya mo…

>> lagi nilang sinasabi, i was uncle mas’ favorite niece…lam ko naman e…and i hope u knew and felt it also that ikaw ang isa sa pinakamamahal ko next to papang..

>> dami kong namimiss sau uncle mas…

>> “merry xmas joanne - pahingi naman ng pambili ng sigarilyo o…hahaha…sabi ko, bakit lagi na lng pasko?

>> joanne, wala ba kaung kape dyan?

>> kumakanta ka sa hatinggabi sa vdeoke - pati interlude at are you having fun e kinakanta mo….

>> ngbubunot kahit hatinggabi….

>> madaling araw pa lang may kausap ka na….

>> ung pitaka mong puno ng mga cellcards at resibo na napalitan ng pangalan ng ERNESTO RIPA….

>> ung mga maleta mo na puno ng damit na hndi naman ginagamit

>> mga kalan at kitchen wares mo na pag ng away kau ni mamang e dala dala mo tapos after sometime e karga mo rin pabalik ng bahay…

>> when i got married at tumira na sa asawa ko, lagi mo pa rin akng binibisita - para magreet ng merry xmas…hahahha

>> pati mga barkada ko - namimiss ka rin nila - kasi naman pati sila hinihingan mo ng pang sigarilyo - eppppsssss

>> at higit sa lahat - u’re the reason why i wanted to be a lawyer - it started sept 25, 1995 - alam mo kung bakit….and i’m so sorry kasi diko pa nasisimulan…

>> uncle mas - i hope u are now at peace…i’m praying na sana may liwanag sa dinadaanan mo ngaun…and sana, papang is with you…kasi alam ko, he’ll take care of you…coz papang loves you so much - like joanne does…

>> u are always in my prayers uncle….and rest assured  -  you will always be in my heart…

>> i love you so much uncle mas…and i miss you so much….

>> see you soon mate!

Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then Spin me around ’til I fell asleep Then up the stairs he would carry me And I knew for sure I was loved If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him I’d play a song that would never, ever end How I’d love, love, love To dance with my father again When I and my mother would disagree To get my way, I would run from her to him He’d make me laugh just to comfort me, yea yea Then finally make me do just what my mama said Later that night when I was asleep He left a dollar under my sheet Never dreamed that he would be gone from me If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him I’d play a song that would never, ever end ‘Cause I’d love, love, love To dance with my father again Sometimes I’d listen outside her door And I’d hear how my mother cried for him I pray for her even more than me I pray for her even more than me I know I’m praying for much too much But could you send back the only man she loved I know you don’t do it usually But dear Lord she’s dying To dance with my father again Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream

> one beautiful homily last sunday- the priest said "embrace your cross"

I got you
You know I heard you say
You blossomed into a beautiful day
Your sunlight keeps shining in my face
I would see it even in deep out of space

And all in time
I know I will see you again and again
And every night I’m going to hold you and hold you and then
Before the light I will rescue and then we’ll begin
To start it all over again

I love it
And how you clear my way
Guide me into a brand new day
In your eyes you know I’ve found my place
You see you - you are my saving grace

And all in time
I going to see you again and again
And every night I’m going to hold you and hold you and then
Before the light I will rescue and then we’ll begin
To start it all over again

Don’t ever want to miss you
Don’t ever want to forget you
The way you are?.today

And all in time
I’m going see you again and again
And every night I’m going to hold you and hold you and then
Before the light I will rescue and then we’ll begin
To start it all over again

>happy 1st birthday baby ko..
>just want to say sorry, mama wasn’t able to be with you on your most special day…
>i am praying so hard,na kasama mo na ko on ur 2nd bday and all the july 26 of your life…
>this is how mama loves u and ate aj - mama has to sacrifice all these for you to have a better future…
>it won’t be long anak…
>i miss u so much…be good always….
>i love you so much

>>it was my dream to finally settle down abroad with my family…kakainggit kasi mga buhay ng ibang nasa abroad….
>a life changing opportunity….
>a greener pasteur….
>different seasons(winter spring summer and fall)
>>but now that i am here? di ko alam kong ippush through ko pa mga dreams ko abroad…
>as of now, gusto ko lng mg ipon and then go back to the philippines and settle down there for good…
>siguro, nasasabi ko lng to kasi im still adjusting - or shall i say - "struggling?"
>hindi ko alam - ang gulo, ang hirap!
>and worse, I FEEL STUPID!parang wala akong alam….o pinaparamdam lang na wala akong alam?i don’t know which is which - bahala na
>sabi ni bebe, soon "u’ll learn and u’ll be better coz i believe in you"(tnx sis)
>sino nga ba ang nagstart na marunong? wala except sa mga taong nagmamarunong di ba?
>wala akong magawa but to cry…cry…and cry….mgtxt sa pamilya ko at sa mga kaibigan na concern sa kin…
>minsan iniisip kong mgbreakdown para may reason na umuwi na ko, pero i am also after the future of my kids…
>these are just trials…i’ll get over these things…soon….and i’ll be laughing as i remember all these…
>i know myself better than u know me…
>i know that i’ll make it, i just don’t know how soon will it be …but i know i will!
>now, i am not still sure if this "AUSTRALIA" thing is really a dream came true…